I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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