i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
