I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
