Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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