we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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