It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
