I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
