I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
