I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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