I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
