This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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