Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
