Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
