The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
