Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
