I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
