Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize