it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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