I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
