I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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