Four minutes until I can fart!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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