I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
