the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
