and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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