Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
