hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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