if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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