You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
