i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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