Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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