Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
