Whod you bang
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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