Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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