I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
