My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
