New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
