How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Drunk is not a location!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
