i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
