her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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