According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
