the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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