I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
