I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
