Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i love accidental penises.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
