I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
