Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
