..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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