i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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