He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
