Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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